There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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