somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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