question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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