what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
