Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
