Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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