when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
