I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
