God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You are the jesus of drinking
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize