I just made out with a guy for $7.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
