So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Please, let me fuck your mom
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He shit in the fireplace
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
