my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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