turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
