i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
