New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We had to coat check the pizza.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
