I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
