Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
