Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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