Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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