Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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