Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
