We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
