Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
