there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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