Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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