how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize