we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
