Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
