I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
