she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
