I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
