Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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