i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
