I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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