The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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