and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
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His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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