I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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