Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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