I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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