chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
