So drunk its hurt
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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