i just sent this text using only my big toe
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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