those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
