Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
