i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
