Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
