question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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