you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
