No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
