You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
