If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
