he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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