i need an iv and a liver transplant
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
