booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
