Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish you could order shots online.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
