No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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