Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
