Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
