I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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