Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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