Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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